"Little things make life complete... little ways of being sweet. Little talks that help and cheer. Little actions that endear...." No, that doesn't fit. Too cheesy and besides, I can't remember all that many actions that endeared.
"Caring, thoughtful, warmhearted, kind. You make the world a better place..." No, that doesn't fit either. Mom has her qualities, no doubt, but she's not particularly thoughtful. Let me try another. "You're always so busy taking care of the family that you hardly have time to do something for yourself...." No, I can't possibly give mom this one. It is transparently insincere. Even mom would be amused. "Mom, over the years I've watched as you laid the foundations of love and security for our entire family..." Wrong again. Our family foundation is laden with self-indulgence, people-pleasing, and a pervasive insecurity. We all know it. And mom does too.
Again this year, I will thumb through a score of Hallmark cards and set them all aside. Again this year, I will buy a blank card and write my own words.
Mother, the journey hasn't been easy for any of us, and over the years, I've come to see that you did the best you could. You've talked about enduring some awful moments as a child, and I know that you endured some awful moments as a wife. Often I wished that you would've taken me and my brothers under your wings and left dad for a more peaceful life. Anything had to be better than the life we were living, I was sure of it. But I know that those were the old days, that divorces were harder to come by, and that you had no employment skills, nor anyone to watch three growing boys. You were trapped, mom, by genes, temperament, circumstance, and choice, but you did the best you could. You fed us well, although no one else ever eats tongue, or heart, or brains. You played card games with us, and joined in our badminton and softball games as well. You were a big hit with my friends and they enjoyed our home until it was time for dad to arrive. In short, you really were a source of joy at times. There are a hundred different things I would like to rearrange if I could go back in time somehow), and I know that you would too. I wish that you would have embraced my wife more enthusiastically because she wanted nothing more than to love me and to be welcomed into a loving family.
Now, as you live out your last years in a care center- blind in your wheelchair and often confused- my heart goes out to you. All that any of us can do is to give others as much love as we can on any given day. To do less would be uncaring- to do more would be impossible. Mother, you did the best you could and I will always love you.
Your son,
Ken
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