A REFORMED DRUNK'S CALLING

Well, I've "unretired," or more accurately, I canceled my retirement before it would've been effective on June 30, 2013. I know that I frustrated a few people by changing my mind again and again as my retirement date grew nearer, and I regret that. I'm sorry about any unnecessary work I may have caused, but I am very pleased that my wife and I made the decision to stay! I'm also grateful that our leadership group at church (we call it a "Session") embraced my decision to stay as pastor and that I received enthusiastic affirmation from our church members. It was more difficult for me to retire than I anticipated because I truly love what I do. I love to teach. I love to preach, and I need to be a pastor because that is what I was meant to be. Indeed, as some of you know, being a pastor in Christ's church still blows my mind because I was the least likely person in the world to be blessed with such an honor. Many years ago now, I called a old friend from Des Moines, and after we exchanged a few pleasantries, Corky asked me what I was doing. I told him that I was a pastor and... he broke into uncontrollable laughter! He couldn't believe that I was a pastor, and I didn't blame him. I couldn't believe it either, and besides, even when Corky knew me, I was already drinking just to get drunk. Even as a young man I was barely in control of myself and things were to get much worse. Indeed, in the fall of 1976 I reached the end of my rope. I hit bottom. My drinking was killing me, but I felt it was more likely that I would go crazy first. I was an emotional wreck and totally unpredictable. At work, I was insufferably arrogant, and I was even worse at home. Filled with pride and fear, I worshiped myself, and I was always afraid of someone discovering that I was utterly empty inside. For years I had been spiraling downhill, and now-at the age of 30- I was done. It's not that I felt remorse or guilt, and I had no idea of what the word "sin" even meant. I wasn't striving to be reborn, or angling to make another deal at home. I was just empty. A nothing in a nowhere, as someone said. So,I entered a treatment center in Omaha and the healing began. I made progress, but it was painfully slow. Don Farrell told my wife that he was especially concerned for me because I was "too smart to accept simple things." He said that he had never met anyone who was too stupid to accept a simple 12-step program of recovery, but some unfortunate people were too smart. Their minds, emotions, and values were a tangled mess and they would never find the clarity to say simple things, like, "I need you," or "I love you," or "please help me." That's what he said, and he was certainly right about me. My mind was so confused that I couldn't find my heart, and this is one of the reasons I stayed longer than most of the others. While I was undergoing treatment, my wife (who didn't drive) would visit me whenever she could, dragging our two beautiful little girls in tow. We lived as far away from the treatment center as we possibly could have, and it was quite an effort on her part to support me with her visits. It was also a form of sacrificial love- the first that I had ever received- and I will be forever grateful for that. What I didn't know was that she had been praying for me with a pastor near our home, and the day came when he visited me in the treatment center- uninvited but equipped with James Kennedy's Evangelism Explosion material. Well, to make a long story shorter, Pastor Lu led me to Christ and ushered me into the church. Yes, I was "saved" in the most evangelical of ways, and I started to grow in my Christian walk. This was easy in some ways because I had so much growing to do. I was still full of my self much of the time, and while I never had the desire to drink again, I continued to say and do things that were inappropriate for a Christian. I was a flawed Christian, but I never gave up. In AA's terms, I "faked it until I made it" and eventually, Sherry and I left our "executive" home in Omaha for student housing in Hyde Park, thanks to the seminary's warm welcome and the steadfast love of our two daughters, Kelli and Kendra (to whom I still owe a debt). From Hyde Park, we moved to Joliet, then to Kalamazoo, then to Peoria, IL and finally to the Quad Cities, here on the Mississippi. I've loved the people wherever we've served and there have been people in each place who have loved me. The meetings-official and also those in the parking lot- have been a frustration all along, and I am sure that they will continue to be. However, they are such small thorns in my life that they are hardly worthy of mention. When you get right down to it, I've never forgotten Pastor Lu's life-changing visit. Nor will I ever forget it because his visit changed my life, Sherry's life, Kelli's life, Kendra's life, Brooke's life, Brittany's life, Archer's life, and perhaps even Donald's life forever. Maybe, in my own stumbling way, I have done the same thing for some family as pastor- who knows? Yes, praise God, I think I have. I am certain that God has used me to change more than one life, and I am not ready to give that up. When I first started in this vocation (or calling), people told me that I should NOT be a pastor if I could do anything else and still be happy. They were wise to say that, and I am wise enough to listen. Therefore, you can return the gifts you bought and do something else on June 29 because God is not through with me yet! I plan to give the people here at SPPC all that I have to offer for some time to come.