MY EXPERIENCE WITH CANCER

      Shortly after my friend, Dave, was diagnosed with liver cancer, he was told that it was inoperable ... and as he struggled to come to grips with what he considered to be a death sentence, a chaplain would visit him and read devotions from his book of devotions. The devotions were designed, I am sure, to lift Dave's spirits... but they infuriated Dave's wife because she was in no mood to hear that "there's a rainbow at the end of every storm." Even though she was a faithful church leader, she wasn't ready to hear the good news because her world was dark and ugly. She was angry and in shock and she took in out of the hospital's chaplain.
      As it turned out, Dave outlived his wife by many years, but when you are diagnosed with cancer, it shatters your dreams and shakes you to the core of your soul. I remember how Sherry and I felt when she was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma shortly after Thanksgiving in 2002. We were both in shock, but I think she took the news better than I did. I googled "Multiple Myeloma" immediately and discovered that her life expectancy was 1-3 years (it's much higher now)... and I would sometimes sit upright suddenly in bed in the middle of the night because I could scarcely take it in. We were both in shock for some time, but as we went through her treatments and endured her transplants, cancer became an unwelcome member of the family. Even as she lost the last strand of her hair and was plagued with neuropathy, we began to journey with her cancer. We discovered that one can live with cancer and that there are even moments of joy. It was always around- the cancer- just below the surface, but the time came when we laughed again and shared time with family and friends. We learned that there was life after a diagnosis of cancer, but our life was not the same as it was before... because we were forced to live one day at a time. We didn't talk of retirement or worry about things in the distant future. Long-term investments no longer made sense and we focused more on the here and now. None of us know what lies ahead. The future belongs to God and it is not ours to claim. Deep down we all know this, but when you're told you have cancer... it becomes very clear that the present moment may be the only time that you have.
      Sherry is still moving along after all of these years- dinged a bit and tired much of the time- and we are still living day by day. We are blessed to see our children and we've had a grandson and a great-grandson join the family since Sherry was diagnosed. We've been blessed in this way... and yet we know that it won't last forever. The future is still God's and it is our job to trust in that as we enjoy the present. We will continue to live with cancer and make our long trips to Chicago for blood tests and treatment. Our faith has never been shaken because it was never based on our health, but I confess that I prayed again and again that God would take Sherry's cancer away. I offered the same prayers for my friend, Jeff, and for my brother, Larry, before they died of cancer. I miss them both and I wish that they were alive, but I don't hold it against God that they aren't. They died with grace and with their loved ones around them.
      Cancer begins as a pit in the soul and then it becomes an unwanted traveling companion. It creates fear and sadness, and my heart breaks whenever anyone, and especially someone I know and love, is diagnosed with it. I hate it because I know a little about the anxiety and pain that it will bring. Even now, I am saddened and in prayer for a friend in Peoria and another friend in Rock Island. I pray that God will cure them both and if that is not to be, that He will walk with them and give them a peace that surpasses all understanding. Please pray for my friends in Peoria and Rock Island and for all of those people in your world who have cancer. Visit them, listen to them, laugh with them, and let them know that you love them!
      My experience with cancer has left me with these thoughts: 1) it is the last diagnosis that anyone of us wants to hear. It is alarming, disorienting, and threatening; 2) however, being told that you have cancer is not the end of your life. It will change your life, but you will continue to enjoy time with people you love; 3) no one can tell a person how long he or she has to live because they don't know. Even now, the average life expectancy with Multiple Myeloma is 5-7 years, but Sherry has lived with it for 15 years; 4) the person who has cancer needs to be in charge of his or her own journey because they are the ones who have cancer; 5) cancer often presents an opportunity for people to do business with the depth and meaning of their lives. It will not lengthen life, but it may well enrich a person's life in many ways; 6) while it is tempting and understandable to focus on the person who has cancer, their caregiver needs a little TLC too; 7) God is always faithful and always with us, even as we walk through the deepest valleys. This doesn't mean that we won't walk in the valleys (we will) or that we will always feel God's presence (we won't)... but it does mean that we will never struggle, wonder, doubt, or die alone!