Last week, our little congregation experienced the sting of death again. Twice.
One of those who passed away was a 42 year old man whom I will call Jim. I didn't know him, but I know that he suffered from mental illness and alcoholism and that he had a hard time fitting in with the world around him. When he was in the throes of his illnesses, Jim was so demanding and insensitive...that many of his own family members were happier when he wasn't around. They loved him, I'm sure, but they didn't understand him. Eventually he left town and made a another life for himself- one that included Alcoholics Anonymous, which is important because... it was in AA where Jim received the most accepting love that he ever knew! His mother told me that, when she picked up her son's belongings, members from his AA club helped her load his things. She appreciated the help... but what really touched her... was the candlelight vigil that they held in his memory. She said that 50 or more of his AA friends gathered in silence and sat quietly... and as the Spirit moved them, one, and then another, would go to the podium... and speak about the love that he or she had for Jim. One after another, Jim's friends told about his importance in their lives, and how much he meant to them. There were moments of silence, moments of tears... and heartfelt testimonies to her son... who had found a place where he was accepted and loved! Being known and loved anyway... is the greatest gift that any of us will ever receive... and her son, who never quite fit in... found a family of recovering drunks... who spoke words of love about a man they were proud to call "friend." Thank God for the fallen saints in AA, who often provide a love that is greater and deeper... than any church group that I've ever known.
The other person who passed away was twice Jim's age. She was the wife of a friend of mine and I had visited her on several occasions- twice at her home and thereafter in the Alzheimer's wing of an Assisted Living center..where she was cared for by those who were paid to do it... and by the man whom she loved. Every day,.. at noon... rain or shine... my friend would visit her, bring her a cookie, and feed her lunch. She enjoyed his visits to the end, but over time, she stopped conversing in a meaningful way... and she came to recognize him mostly, if not entirely, as the nice man who brought her a cookie. When people say that they will love one another for "better or worse," they never really know what either term means, and they certainly don't see themselves sitting together... in a nursing home cafeteria- one with a broken heart and the other with a cookie. Watching a person who had shared your life... eat a cookie that you had given her... without knowing that you... were you... is a painful thing...and listening to someone who had shared your most intimate thoughts...speak words that no longer made sense... is a heartbreaking way to spend a lunch hour. But when you're in love, you do what you have to do... because real love demands it! Last week, Bev took a sudden turn for the worse...so my wife and I called on her and had a prayer with her, even though she was not conscious. We thanked God for her long and faithful life, and we praised Him for breaking the chains that bound her... and her husband... in a tragic dance... which had no rhyme or reason.
I really don't know what I'll say at either one of their funerals... but I know that each of them was loved deeply... by someone whom I love as a pastor. Jim was eulogized by a group of people who are clinging to a second-chance themselves, and Bev shared a cookie with her husband and with her Savior every day at noon, experiencing an acceptance and a grace that go much, much deeper than anything that we can put into words.
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