My wife and I just returned from Chicago, and we're waiting for her oncologist to send us her blood counts. We've done this dozens of times before because she was diagnosed with "Multiple Myeloma" more than ten years ago. We have already been blessed greatly because the average life expectancy for people with MM is something in the area of 5-7 years at this time, and it used to be much less. We are very thankful for the prayers, goodwill, and excellent medical care Sherry has received, and we know that things could have been much worse.en Still, she has received two stem cell transplants for her cancer, undergone three surgeries for glaucoma, and experienced extensive treatment for a lung disease called " MAC" over the last decade. At times, her anxiety has been debilitating, but, by and large, we have discovered that people CAN live with cancer.
When one is diagnosed with cancer, life goes on. Children continue to have birthdays, errands still need to be run, and the Cubs continue to lose. At first, the word, "Cancer," shoves everything else into the background, but eventually it becomes just another part of one's life. Life goes on and the present can still be rich, but the future seems to slip away. It doesn't make sense to talk about retirement, or even a medium-term investment. Recently, my wife was a little concerned when I mentioned a 7-year ARM for a loan. A 30-year fixed rate is much more secure, she noted, and she's right of course... unless you have 5 years to live! Even now, as we near retirement, Sherry and I don't really know what to do with tomorrow. She is only 67, but it is unlikely that we will be together in five years (that would be pushing the outer limits of MM). But who knows? Perhaps someone will find a cure tomorrow. Perhaps I will die long before she does. It is impossible to know. Everyone is in the same boat, but unless you've received a death notice, you can pretend that tomorrow is in your hands.
Yes, it is frustrating to give up the illusion of control, even if it is just an illusion. Living in today seems limiting, but actually it is a great spiritual blessing. Indeed, while we never asked for it, living with cancer has enriched our relationship with each other and with our God. Today I thank God for giving Sherry and me several years in which we were able to truly value every moment of life. Today I thank God for giving us the chance to embrace our loved ones as if there is no tomorrow. Today I thank God for teaching me to live in the moment and to trust Him with tomorrow.
Living in the NOW helps us separate the wheat from the chaff. It makes us more sensitive to the things that are really important. One of my favorite authors noted that there is a big difference between a lump in one's oatmeal, a lump in one's throat, and a lump in one's breast. Indeed. Now I know what he meant.
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