I am writing this with a broken heart because our Sheltie, Rocky (originally known as Rusty) died tonight. He had been in pain with severe arthritis for some time, and toward the end, he could scarcely get around. In fact, we had given up our walks together and Rocky had gotten to the point where he had to lean against something to go potty because he could not stand on his own. Last night he had difficulty breathing and there were episodes of the same throughout the day. So we took him to the Emergency Vet and she said that he also had heart failure.
This was the moment I'd been dreading because it brought me face-to-face with the decision I had been avoiding. No one likes the "E" word because Euthanasia is so painful, so final, and so God-like... but real love would rather "let go" than cling for the sake of clinging. So we faced our pain... and Rocky's pain and decided to set him free, which broke our hearts and tears filled my eyes. I might have even cried a little- I can't remember- but when Rocky saw that we were grieving, he tried to comfort us! And there we were- the three of us- on the floor in the room that leads directly to heaven ... and Rocky was worried about us. Indeed, in Rocky's mind, it was always his job to watch over us, and he did it well from the moment we adopted him to the moment we said goodbye. Again, tonight, I am reminded of two things- just as I was when Nikki left us: 1) there is no love as pure and unfettered as a pet's love and 2) we surely have a brokenhearted God! Surely we have a God who gets caught up in our suffering and who cries real tears when he sets us free.
Goodbye Rocky! You gave us all that you had to give... and that was more than enough!
Love, Poppy
PK IN SWEDEN
Saturday, October 25, 2014
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
An Open Note to Archer and Donald
Archer, you have a big heart and a lot of energy, and I know that you will be able to repair a lot of things when you become an adult. You'll be on the better side of the divide, and this means that you will have many opportunities to help others.
So...take time to listen... and you will hear...
children crying for want of love, safety, and attention,
idols clamoring for your worship, allegiance, and sacrifice,
old people pleading for dignity and perhaps even death,
frustrated voices shouting to be heard above the din of self-interest,
poor and desperate kids working the streets and asking for a dime,
tempters promising pleasure and escape in the middle of the night,
con artists inviting you to take a card... because you "can't lose"
politicians telling half-truths, outright lies, and what you want to hear,
liberals claiming there is no one truth, while conservatives insist that they have the truth.
Donald, you are so loved, and your world is so comforting. You have a gentle spirit and you will have a chance to "heal" others. So, look around... and see
that people on the street almost never look you in the eye...because they're scared;
that good things are challenged more than bad things... because we're afraid to say 'no;'
that money is behind almost everything, whether it's good or evil;
that there's real beauty in every face, no matter what Hollywood says;
that everybody's somebody and nobody is nobody... because everyone counts;
that many old things are worth keeping, whether they are people, things, or traditions;
that "handicaps" are imposed from the outside... and other people should not limit us;
that real prophets are invariably mocked and killed... because we can't handle the truth;
that people are most vulnerable when they are sobbing, laughing... and in love.
Archer and Donald, both of you will live in a world that I wouldn't even recognize.
But human nature never changes... and with that in mind,
I pray that you will keep an open mind and consider that...
you may not know everything there is to know,
the best things in life can't be seen or measured,
"holding hands" is as good as love ever gets,
faith neither seeks nor needs understanding,
Nothing has ever been done in the future.
Poppy
October 15, 2014
So...take time to listen... and you will hear...
children crying for want of love, safety, and attention,
idols clamoring for your worship, allegiance, and sacrifice,
old people pleading for dignity and perhaps even death,
frustrated voices shouting to be heard above the din of self-interest,
poor and desperate kids working the streets and asking for a dime,
tempters promising pleasure and escape in the middle of the night,
con artists inviting you to take a card... because you "can't lose"
politicians telling half-truths, outright lies, and what you want to hear,
liberals claiming there is no one truth, while conservatives insist that they have the truth.
Donald, you are so loved, and your world is so comforting. You have a gentle spirit and you will have a chance to "heal" others. So, look around... and see
that people on the street almost never look you in the eye...because they're scared;
that good things are challenged more than bad things... because we're afraid to say 'no;'
that money is behind almost everything, whether it's good or evil;
that there's real beauty in every face, no matter what Hollywood says;
that everybody's somebody and nobody is nobody... because everyone counts;
that many old things are worth keeping, whether they are people, things, or traditions;
that "handicaps" are imposed from the outside... and other people should not limit us;
that real prophets are invariably mocked and killed... because we can't handle the truth;
that people are most vulnerable when they are sobbing, laughing... and in love.
Archer and Donald, both of you will live in a world that I wouldn't even recognize.
But human nature never changes... and with that in mind,
I pray that you will keep an open mind and consider that...
you may not know everything there is to know,
the best things in life can't be seen or measured,
"holding hands" is as good as love ever gets,
faith neither seeks nor needs understanding,
Nothing has ever been done in the future.
Poppy
October 15, 2014
Saturday, October 11, 2014
OUR GOLDEN CALVES
Everyone knows about the Exodus. They may think that Moses looked like Charlton Heston and they may think that Cecil B. DeMille wrote the story, but they know the story. Everyone knows that the Pharoah let God's people go after his own firstborn son died, and then changed his mind and chased after the Hebrews as they made their way to Mt. Sinai. We know that the Hebrews were blocked by the Red Sea and that their death or re-enslavement seemed eminent... until God divided the waters and created a highway for his people only. Indeed, when the last Hebrew had reached shore on the other side, the waters came back together and became a watery grave for the Egyptians who were in pursuit!
It was a day of liberation, a day of celebration... but it wasn't enough to change their hearts! Despite the miracle that they had experienced, they were still filled with fear... because "trust" is unnatural for us. In the main, we are too self-centered and too frightened to trust. We talk about trust, we want to trust, but when the going gets tough, we either freeze or take matters into our own hands... and, like us, God's people were scared... as they walked to the promised land. They were relieved at first, but when they discovered that there was no water source... no food pantry... or any established patterns for living, they began to get scared. They grumbled against Moses and bickered among themselves. They longed for stability and even came to believe that the "devil they knew" had to be better than trusting in God.
Going on faith seemed worse than not going at all... and they were "on edge" when Moses went up the mountain to meet with God. They had seen miracles, but they had never trusted God... and they became anxious when Moses didn't return when they thought he would. Doubts filled their heads, fear filled their hearts... and they asked Aaron to "make" them other gods who would lead and protect them. Yes, even after God had liberated them from Pharoah's hand, they turned to other gods! It was a shocking display of unfaithfulness, but it was even more shocking that Aaron agreed to make them another god. He fashioned a golden idol and added to his sin by shouting, "These are your gods, O Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt." Yes, it's true- Aaron gave credit to a "god" of his own creation... for the life and promise that had actually been given by Yahweh! And then he announced that he would throw a party in the morning... so the people could eat and drink their fill... and offer sacrifices to their new gods. It was quite a party, but their rowdiness caught God's attention and aroused His anger- so much so that he decided to destroy them and start again with Moses. Moses was given the chance to be a new Noah, but he declined, choosing instead to plead for the people. He asked God to change his holy mind... and according to the Bible, God did (which is also shocking in some people's minds)!
Well, that's the story. It's a story of miracles, a story of God's power, a story of freedom... and obedience... and sin. It's a human story, and it's our story... for we also utterly consumed with ourselves and the stuff of daily life. Like the Hebrews, we forget that we're in God's hands and we even forget the wonderful things that God has done for us. Like them, we lose sight of the amazing journey that we are on, and we also discount God's ability to transform us. Moses was leading God's people into a new reality, but they were focused on crying babies, sick parents, bickering neighbors, menacing armies, and their daily needs for food, water, sanitation, and rest! God had given the people a great promise... but they couldn't see it. He had given them freedom, not only from tyranny, but also from doubt and fear... but they didn't claim it. God had given them the ability to soar with the Spirit, but they chose to waddle instead. Out of grace alone, God had chosen a stiff-necked group of slaves to bless the world, but they could never get their eyes off of themselves long enough to do it... and this is pretty much the way it is today, even in the church.
We shake our heads at the Hebrews because they couldn't wait on God, but we are the ones who "want what we want... and want it now." We shake our heads because these ancient people trusted lifeless gods that were simply extensions of themselves... but we trust in our wits, our savings plans, our gated communities, our expensive cars, our titles, our appearances, and our addictions. We condemn these people because they turned to a object of gold when they got scared, but we turn to alcohol and drugs at the drop of a hat. There are many of us who would rather drink and eat our fill than wait for God. Friends, the Exodus story is about us! We are the ones who are on the journey of a lifetime... and it is we, not they, who have an insatiable desire for little gods that we create and control. It is we, not they, who turn to "talking eight balls" for answers- to IRA's for security, to sports teams to make us feel like winners, to possessions to make us feel important, and to parties to give us a sense of community. It is we, not they, who immediately think, "how will this affect me" when we hear a new idea; and it is we, not they, who would've turned to a golden calf within hours after we started to become doubtful. It is we, not the Hebrews, who prefer small and shiny gods, and who- especially when it requires sacrifice or patience- are often unsure of a God whom we can neither see nor control. It is we, not the Hebrews, who worship gods of our own creation in ways that are all about us. Exodus is our story, and rather than condemn an ancient people, we would do better to put ourselves in their place and consider these points:
1) Fear (of being vulnerable or forgotten) lies at the root of many sins;
2) A God who is not big enough to have his way with us... is not a God at all;
3) Waiting for something to "prove" our faith is foolish. Believing is a choice:
4) God responds to our prayers- even if that means "changing" His mind;
5) The promise-maker is a promise-keeper, even if we don't "get it;"
Amen.
It was a day of liberation, a day of celebration... but it wasn't enough to change their hearts! Despite the miracle that they had experienced, they were still filled with fear... because "trust" is unnatural for us. In the main, we are too self-centered and too frightened to trust. We talk about trust, we want to trust, but when the going gets tough, we either freeze or take matters into our own hands... and, like us, God's people were scared... as they walked to the promised land. They were relieved at first, but when they discovered that there was no water source... no food pantry... or any established patterns for living, they began to get scared. They grumbled against Moses and bickered among themselves. They longed for stability and even came to believe that the "devil they knew" had to be better than trusting in God.
Going on faith seemed worse than not going at all... and they were "on edge" when Moses went up the mountain to meet with God. They had seen miracles, but they had never trusted God... and they became anxious when Moses didn't return when they thought he would. Doubts filled their heads, fear filled their hearts... and they asked Aaron to "make" them other gods who would lead and protect them. Yes, even after God had liberated them from Pharoah's hand, they turned to other gods! It was a shocking display of unfaithfulness, but it was even more shocking that Aaron agreed to make them another god. He fashioned a golden idol and added to his sin by shouting, "These are your gods, O Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt." Yes, it's true- Aaron gave credit to a "god" of his own creation... for the life and promise that had actually been given by Yahweh! And then he announced that he would throw a party in the morning... so the people could eat and drink their fill... and offer sacrifices to their new gods. It was quite a party, but their rowdiness caught God's attention and aroused His anger- so much so that he decided to destroy them and start again with Moses. Moses was given the chance to be a new Noah, but he declined, choosing instead to plead for the people. He asked God to change his holy mind... and according to the Bible, God did (which is also shocking in some people's minds)!
Well, that's the story. It's a story of miracles, a story of God's power, a story of freedom... and obedience... and sin. It's a human story, and it's our story... for we also utterly consumed with ourselves and the stuff of daily life. Like the Hebrews, we forget that we're in God's hands and we even forget the wonderful things that God has done for us. Like them, we lose sight of the amazing journey that we are on, and we also discount God's ability to transform us. Moses was leading God's people into a new reality, but they were focused on crying babies, sick parents, bickering neighbors, menacing armies, and their daily needs for food, water, sanitation, and rest! God had given the people a great promise... but they couldn't see it. He had given them freedom, not only from tyranny, but also from doubt and fear... but they didn't claim it. God had given them the ability to soar with the Spirit, but they chose to waddle instead. Out of grace alone, God had chosen a stiff-necked group of slaves to bless the world, but they could never get their eyes off of themselves long enough to do it... and this is pretty much the way it is today, even in the church.
We shake our heads at the Hebrews because they couldn't wait on God, but we are the ones who "want what we want... and want it now." We shake our heads because these ancient people trusted lifeless gods that were simply extensions of themselves... but we trust in our wits, our savings plans, our gated communities, our expensive cars, our titles, our appearances, and our addictions. We condemn these people because they turned to a object of gold when they got scared, but we turn to alcohol and drugs at the drop of a hat. There are many of us who would rather drink and eat our fill than wait for God. Friends, the Exodus story is about us! We are the ones who are on the journey of a lifetime... and it is we, not they, who have an insatiable desire for little gods that we create and control. It is we, not they, who turn to "talking eight balls" for answers- to IRA's for security, to sports teams to make us feel like winners, to possessions to make us feel important, and to parties to give us a sense of community. It is we, not they, who immediately think, "how will this affect me" when we hear a new idea; and it is we, not they, who would've turned to a golden calf within hours after we started to become doubtful. It is we, not the Hebrews, who prefer small and shiny gods, and who- especially when it requires sacrifice or patience- are often unsure of a God whom we can neither see nor control. It is we, not the Hebrews, who worship gods of our own creation in ways that are all about us. Exodus is our story, and rather than condemn an ancient people, we would do better to put ourselves in their place and consider these points:
1) Fear (of being vulnerable or forgotten) lies at the root of many sins;
2) A God who is not big enough to have his way with us... is not a God at all;
3) Waiting for something to "prove" our faith is foolish. Believing is a choice:
4) God responds to our prayers- even if that means "changing" His mind;
5) The promise-maker is a promise-keeper, even if we don't "get it;"
Amen.
Saturday, September 27, 2014
ARE ONLY GOAL- TO BE LIKE JESUS!
Mahatma Ghandi admired Christ. He quoted him often and the noted Christian, Earl Stanley Jones, asked him why he so adamantly rejected following him. "Oh," Ghandi replied, "I don't reject your Christ. I love your Christ. It's just that so many of you Christians are so unlike your Christ." Christ, in Ghandi's view, was passionate, but his followers were not; Christ was obedient even unto death, his followers aren't. In the hands of his followers, Christ's light doesn't shine, and the biggest basket that they hide it under... is the way in which they live. When asked what non-believers expect from Christians, the French philosopher, Camus said it plainly: "we expect Christians to speak out, loud and clear, so that never a doubt, not the slightest doubt, could rise in the heart of the simplest man. Christians should get away from abstractions and confront the blood-stained face that history has taken on today." Christ's voice is seldom heard, Camus thought, from the mouths of his followers, and it is muffled mostly by their desire to fit in with the world. Soren Kierkegaard put it this way long ago: "The Bible is very easy to understand, but we Christians are a bunch of scheming swindlers. We pretend that we don't understand it because we know very well that the minute we do, we will be obliged to act accordingly."
The the problem, then, seems to be one of motivation rather than education. We don't imitate Christ because we don't want to... and this is killing us. Kierkegaard noted that, "There is something frightful in the fact that the most dangerous thing of all, playing at Christianity, is never listed among the heresies." To which we can only say, "amen." Playing at Christianity. Pretending that we don't know what God wants from us. Pandering to the world. These are the reasons why the church is increasingly irrelevant. If the church was filled with passion, those who cannot help but give themselves to passion... would flock to it. If the church was filled with acceptance, if it was a place where people actually forgave one another, people would flock to it. We live in a world filled with critics... and if this church, or any church, offered a real difference, people would flock to it. If the church was a place of deep, life-changing thought, deep thinkers would flock to it because they so badly want to understand who and whose they are. If the church was a revolutionary center, people who would rise up and challenge "the man and his system"... would flock to it... because they are committed to making things right. If the church was filled with crosses, cross carriers would flock to it, and if the church's only goal was to be like Jesus, it would attract people who wanted to be like Jesus. But... if the church's main goal is to provide a comfortable place for the comfortable... it will be a place where nothing really... ever happens.
This is why the church is irrelevant today, whether we're talking about the big box entertainment centers (the so-called mega-churches) or the bland community centers (the so-called mainline churches,) where good people just come and go. It's a huge problem and we aren't likely to change the worldwide church here today...but we can commit ourselves to a more serious Christianity, right here, right now. We can commit ourselves to more intentional study- every elder and every serious deacon should be in Bible study... and to a broader and deeper prayer life. We can commit ourselves to a bolder presence in community... and to being a more vulnerable presence in this neighborhood. We can lift our church to a higher place... in which members become disciples, visitors become members... and where God is the ONLY spectator. If we become better Christians, our chances of growing will be much greater, and even if we aren't blessed in that way, we still would've touched lives by being better Christians. Friends, Christ has told us what to do. He said that the light that we've been given to shine... is powered by obedience and faith, and He has called us to love our neighbor and one another... sacrificially and completely. When Jesus walked among us, he revealed, in word and deed, the fullness of God's priorities. He showed us what to do, and much of what he did and said has been written in God's word.
Becoming a complete Christian is well beyond our scope today, but we can take a first step to be like Christ... and I can't think of a more powerful motivator that Paul's inspiring words in Philippians. If you want to be like Christ, Paul notes, give up gossip. Stay away from it. Challenge it, and reject it as something unChristian. Reject factions as well. Commit yourself to the common good... and consider others and their needs, not just your own. Let's train ourselves to ask, what does Christ want from our church... and how can I contribute to that goal? In this way, while we will still have honest differences, we will be of one mind... but Paul is calling us to something MUCH greater than simply agreeing to agree. Have the mind of Christ, he said, who felt that equality with God was not worth clinging to- not if God's people were sinning and dying. Embrace this same mindset- that superiority is not worth clinging to- and then become authentically vulnerable. Be of the same mind that Christ had when he voluntarily emptied himself of divinity... and came down, down, down to this sin-filled place, where he took on the form of a baby and laid helplessly in a cattle trough. If you want to grow in Christ, empty yourself of "self" and become vulnerable before God and this threatening world. Become a vulnerable and servant-oriented team player... by picking up the cross that Christ has already prepared for you. Get yourself out of the way. Lose the "I," and make Christ's foot-washing agenda your life's work! You will probably need a job to pay the bills... but make Christ's work... your work... and his people... your people. If we do this, if we do it together, and do it with humility, people will flock to our doors because it's hard to find heaven on earth! Amen.
...
The the problem, then, seems to be one of motivation rather than education. We don't imitate Christ because we don't want to... and this is killing us. Kierkegaard noted that, "There is something frightful in the fact that the most dangerous thing of all, playing at Christianity, is never listed among the heresies." To which we can only say, "amen." Playing at Christianity. Pretending that we don't know what God wants from us. Pandering to the world. These are the reasons why the church is increasingly irrelevant. If the church was filled with passion, those who cannot help but give themselves to passion... would flock to it. If the church was filled with acceptance, if it was a place where people actually forgave one another, people would flock to it. We live in a world filled with critics... and if this church, or any church, offered a real difference, people would flock to it. If the church was a place of deep, life-changing thought, deep thinkers would flock to it because they so badly want to understand who and whose they are. If the church was a revolutionary center, people who would rise up and challenge "the man and his system"... would flock to it... because they are committed to making things right. If the church was filled with crosses, cross carriers would flock to it, and if the church's only goal was to be like Jesus, it would attract people who wanted to be like Jesus. But... if the church's main goal is to provide a comfortable place for the comfortable... it will be a place where nothing really... ever happens.
This is why the church is irrelevant today, whether we're talking about the big box entertainment centers (the so-called mega-churches) or the bland community centers (the so-called mainline churches,) where good people just come and go. It's a huge problem and we aren't likely to change the worldwide church here today...but we can commit ourselves to a more serious Christianity, right here, right now. We can commit ourselves to more intentional study- every elder and every serious deacon should be in Bible study... and to a broader and deeper prayer life. We can commit ourselves to a bolder presence in community... and to being a more vulnerable presence in this neighborhood. We can lift our church to a higher place... in which members become disciples, visitors become members... and where God is the ONLY spectator. If we become better Christians, our chances of growing will be much greater, and even if we aren't blessed in that way, we still would've touched lives by being better Christians. Friends, Christ has told us what to do. He said that the light that we've been given to shine... is powered by obedience and faith, and He has called us to love our neighbor and one another... sacrificially and completely. When Jesus walked among us, he revealed, in word and deed, the fullness of God's priorities. He showed us what to do, and much of what he did and said has been written in God's word.
Becoming a complete Christian is well beyond our scope today, but we can take a first step to be like Christ... and I can't think of a more powerful motivator that Paul's inspiring words in Philippians. If you want to be like Christ, Paul notes, give up gossip. Stay away from it. Challenge it, and reject it as something unChristian. Reject factions as well. Commit yourself to the common good... and consider others and their needs, not just your own. Let's train ourselves to ask, what does Christ want from our church... and how can I contribute to that goal? In this way, while we will still have honest differences, we will be of one mind... but Paul is calling us to something MUCH greater than simply agreeing to agree. Have the mind of Christ, he said, who felt that equality with God was not worth clinging to- not if God's people were sinning and dying. Embrace this same mindset- that superiority is not worth clinging to- and then become authentically vulnerable. Be of the same mind that Christ had when he voluntarily emptied himself of divinity... and came down, down, down to this sin-filled place, where he took on the form of a baby and laid helplessly in a cattle trough. If you want to grow in Christ, empty yourself of "self" and become vulnerable before God and this threatening world. Become a vulnerable and servant-oriented team player... by picking up the cross that Christ has already prepared for you. Get yourself out of the way. Lose the "I," and make Christ's foot-washing agenda your life's work! You will probably need a job to pay the bills... but make Christ's work... your work... and his people... your people. If we do this, if we do it together, and do it with humility, people will flock to our doors because it's hard to find heaven on earth! Amen.
...
Friday, September 26, 2014
RANDY SHEDENHELM-WE WILL NEVER STOP LOVING YOU!
Today I have my late brother, Randy, on my mind... and in my heart. He died of AIDS in September, 1994, and those of us who loved him will never forget him. He was bright, witty, and engaging. He was talented and competitive, but innocent and vulnerable at the same time. He died not long before they developed the "cocktail" that would've saved his life. He died before his boys grew into the men they are today... and he died without knowing the full joy of being a grandfather. If he had lived- if they would've had a cure- if he had been more cautious-there's no telling where his career would've gone. If he would've lived, I am sure that he would've won a thousand more board games... and shared thousands of more laughs. He would've also shared our grief when Larry died; and he would've both given and received more than his share of love. He would've brightened our days if he had lived...but he didn't... because he died of AIDS... in Anniston, Alabama ... way back in 1994. Twenty years have come and gone, and it is time to write him a love note.
Dear Randy, it has been 20 years since I've seen your face... but I will never forget it! I remember how you would run into my bedroom when the storms inside and outside of our home frightened you, and I remember how small you were when you were a kid. I remember the time when mom and dad inadvertently left you in a gas station in South Dakota... and Larry and I didn't bother to tell them (although they noticed you were missing 30 miles or so down the road)! I remember how proud you were of the store that you and Larry owned together, and I remember how close you were to Larry and his family. I remember the taco eating contest that you won, and all of us will always remember our vacation trip to the Grand Canyon. I remember the day when you nearly beat me in our marathon tennis match... and I will never forget how routinely you beat me at everything else. I will never forget how you compensated for the big slice you had off of the tee, and I will remember the day when you agreed to put your life back together... like it was yesterday. With delight, I recall the way that you and Linda played cribbage and all sort of games...and I remember the beautiful home that you and John had when you died. I remember the day when you and Larry and I went to the driving range in Plano... and how you could hardly hit a ball 50 yards. I will never forget how faithful your sons were when you were suffering... and I remember how Aaron and I played tennis to get your impending death off of our minds. With gratitude, I remember the wonderful care that hospice gave you... and I will never forget the "bulb garden" that you bought for Sherry and me. As you planned, it arrived after your death... and I am sorry to report that I planted several of the bulbs upside down. Still, many of them bloomed and they were standing tall when Easter came in 1995.
I remember when you told me that you were not afraid to die... and I remember the faith you expressed in your unchurch-like way. When Larry was dying, I asked him if he thought he would see you in heaven, and he said that, while he didn't know about "seeing you," he did think that he would recognize you. I pray this is true, and I want you to know, Randy, that my life has not been as full since you've been gone. I write this blog, and I opine on any number of topics. They are all very real to me. The joys and the sorrows of life- I've come to embrace them both- and I want you to know that losing Larry created a deep void in my life. He was my best friend and I was always so very proud of him... but I am sure that he would agree- you were our little brother! You were "the R," and we loved you with all of our hearts. Those of us who were left behind... still do. Ken,
Dear Randy, it has been 20 years since I've seen your face... but I will never forget it! I remember how you would run into my bedroom when the storms inside and outside of our home frightened you, and I remember how small you were when you were a kid. I remember the time when mom and dad inadvertently left you in a gas station in South Dakota... and Larry and I didn't bother to tell them (although they noticed you were missing 30 miles or so down the road)! I remember how proud you were of the store that you and Larry owned together, and I remember how close you were to Larry and his family. I remember the taco eating contest that you won, and all of us will always remember our vacation trip to the Grand Canyon. I remember the day when you nearly beat me in our marathon tennis match... and I will never forget how routinely you beat me at everything else. I will never forget how you compensated for the big slice you had off of the tee, and I will remember the day when you agreed to put your life back together... like it was yesterday. With delight, I recall the way that you and Linda played cribbage and all sort of games...and I remember the beautiful home that you and John had when you died. I remember the day when you and Larry and I went to the driving range in Plano... and how you could hardly hit a ball 50 yards. I will never forget how faithful your sons were when you were suffering... and I remember how Aaron and I played tennis to get your impending death off of our minds. With gratitude, I remember the wonderful care that hospice gave you... and I will never forget the "bulb garden" that you bought for Sherry and me. As you planned, it arrived after your death... and I am sorry to report that I planted several of the bulbs upside down. Still, many of them bloomed and they were standing tall when Easter came in 1995.
I remember when you told me that you were not afraid to die... and I remember the faith you expressed in your unchurch-like way. When Larry was dying, I asked him if he thought he would see you in heaven, and he said that, while he didn't know about "seeing you," he did think that he would recognize you. I pray this is true, and I want you to know, Randy, that my life has not been as full since you've been gone. I write this blog, and I opine on any number of topics. They are all very real to me. The joys and the sorrows of life- I've come to embrace them both- and I want you to know that losing Larry created a deep void in my life. He was my best friend and I was always so very proud of him... but I am sure that he would agree- you were our little brother! You were "the R," and we loved you with all of our hearts. Those of us who were left behind... still do. Ken,
Monday, September 22, 2014
LAST NIGHT I DREAMED ABOUT MY DOG
Last night I had a dream, and I don't know what it means. It's unusual for me to dream at all, and even more unusual for me to remember what it was. But, even though some of the details have slipped away, this dream was very vivid.
I was out with my dog, Nikki- the one with whom I walked and ran, almost daily, when we lived in Kalamazoo- and something chaotic came about. It's not clear what it was, but it was disorienting, and somehow, Nikki got free from her leash during the confusion. I don't know whether her leash broke or simply became disconnected from her collar, but she ran off just as fast as she could go. I called her, but she soon disappeared into the distance, and I couldn't help but recall those times when she ran away from me in Michigan, especially in the first year. We would be walking or jogging in the woods, or in the open fields behind our home, and I would unleash her, in part to give her a little freedom and in part to develop a sense of trust. Usually, she would simply wander along beside me... but if she spotted a squirrel or a rabbit, she would take off at a thousand miles per hour. Even though she didn't know what she would do if she actually caught one of them, she would run great distances in pursuit, knowing that I was duty-bound to bring her home safely.
She was right, or course. I always found her and brought her home, but in the course of time, she would come home on her own. Nikki and I walked nearly every day and we shared a lot of moments. Sometimes we would come across deer; sometimes we would find ourselves literally running in the rain; sometimes we would see a breath-taking sunset; and sometimes we would tromp through snow knee-deep. Most of the time, our walks were quite ordinary, and even when she "got away," she would always come back. Thus, I wasn't all that worried when she broke loose in my dream... but she never came back. Days passed. Weeks went by, and there was no Nikki. Day after day I stood outside and called her name, but she never appeared, and finally, I recruited (maybe they just volunteered) three other dogs to help me. I didn't know them. I had never met them, but they were quite sincere about helping me find Nikki, and they even seemed to know a little English. They were diligent and thorough in their searching. They looked far and wide. They talked with other dogs, and they gave it all that they had... but in the end, there was no Nikki.
I've been hoping to see Nikki's face ever since I held her in my arms at the Vet's office, and it was sad to see that she may have run off forever. One night, the three little dogs and I were commiserating about Nikki's disappearance... when we heard a dog barking on the front porch. We all heard it, and I was sure it was Nikki. The bark was Nikki's bark. I would know it anywhere. So we hurried to the front door and looked out... and sure enough. there was a dog wrapped in a blanket on the porch. It was a big and strong dog, just like Nikki was, and I reached down to remove her cover... only to see an Australian shepherd! It was an Australian shepherd, and I cried out in anguish... because Nikki was NOT an Australian shepherd! When we found her, the vet told us that she was part lab and part collie. We always thought she was mostly Border collie, except for her black tongue, but when we purchased an official DNA report, we discovered that Nikki was a composite of at least six breeds, including Samoyed. She was many things, but the dog on my porch was not Nikki, and my spirit cried out! A few minutes later, I made my early morning trek to the restroom, and when I returned, my wife asked if I was alright. Sure, I noted, why do you ask? "Because," she answered, "You cried out loud about 10 minutes ago. I couldn't understand what you said, but it sounded distressful and rather mournful. Did you have a dream?"
Yes, my dear, I had a dream, but I don't know what it meant. Maybe it was simply a reflection of how much I loved Nikki; maybe it was a recognition that losing a pet is unbelievably painful; maybe it was a cry of lament because the cost of love is so high; maybe it was a cry of anguish because life itself is slipping away. I don't know, but I do know that three little talking dogs that did their best to make things right. Amen.
I was out with my dog, Nikki- the one with whom I walked and ran, almost daily, when we lived in Kalamazoo- and something chaotic came about. It's not clear what it was, but it was disorienting, and somehow, Nikki got free from her leash during the confusion. I don't know whether her leash broke or simply became disconnected from her collar, but she ran off just as fast as she could go. I called her, but she soon disappeared into the distance, and I couldn't help but recall those times when she ran away from me in Michigan, especially in the first year. We would be walking or jogging in the woods, or in the open fields behind our home, and I would unleash her, in part to give her a little freedom and in part to develop a sense of trust. Usually, she would simply wander along beside me... but if she spotted a squirrel or a rabbit, she would take off at a thousand miles per hour. Even though she didn't know what she would do if she actually caught one of them, she would run great distances in pursuit, knowing that I was duty-bound to bring her home safely.
She was right, or course. I always found her and brought her home, but in the course of time, she would come home on her own. Nikki and I walked nearly every day and we shared a lot of moments. Sometimes we would come across deer; sometimes we would find ourselves literally running in the rain; sometimes we would see a breath-taking sunset; and sometimes we would tromp through snow knee-deep. Most of the time, our walks were quite ordinary, and even when she "got away," she would always come back. Thus, I wasn't all that worried when she broke loose in my dream... but she never came back. Days passed. Weeks went by, and there was no Nikki. Day after day I stood outside and called her name, but she never appeared, and finally, I recruited (maybe they just volunteered) three other dogs to help me. I didn't know them. I had never met them, but they were quite sincere about helping me find Nikki, and they even seemed to know a little English. They were diligent and thorough in their searching. They looked far and wide. They talked with other dogs, and they gave it all that they had... but in the end, there was no Nikki.
I've been hoping to see Nikki's face ever since I held her in my arms at the Vet's office, and it was sad to see that she may have run off forever. One night, the three little dogs and I were commiserating about Nikki's disappearance... when we heard a dog barking on the front porch. We all heard it, and I was sure it was Nikki. The bark was Nikki's bark. I would know it anywhere. So we hurried to the front door and looked out... and sure enough. there was a dog wrapped in a blanket on the porch. It was a big and strong dog, just like Nikki was, and I reached down to remove her cover... only to see an Australian shepherd! It was an Australian shepherd, and I cried out in anguish... because Nikki was NOT an Australian shepherd! When we found her, the vet told us that she was part lab and part collie. We always thought she was mostly Border collie, except for her black tongue, but when we purchased an official DNA report, we discovered that Nikki was a composite of at least six breeds, including Samoyed. She was many things, but the dog on my porch was not Nikki, and my spirit cried out! A few minutes later, I made my early morning trek to the restroom, and when I returned, my wife asked if I was alright. Sure, I noted, why do you ask? "Because," she answered, "You cried out loud about 10 minutes ago. I couldn't understand what you said, but it sounded distressful and rather mournful. Did you have a dream?"
Yes, my dear, I had a dream, but I don't know what it meant. Maybe it was simply a reflection of how much I loved Nikki; maybe it was a recognition that losing a pet is unbelievably painful; maybe it was a cry of lament because the cost of love is so high; maybe it was a cry of anguish because life itself is slipping away. I don't know, but I do know that three little talking dogs that did their best to make things right. Amen.
Saturday, September 20, 2014
ME AND OTHER 5 O'CLOCK SINNERS
As most organizational psychology students know, "Equity Theory" is one of the theories that attempts to explain employee motivation in a group setting. It asserts that each one of us maintains ratios in our heads... of our inputs and outcomes versus someone else's... and as long as these ratios stay in balance... we are satisfied. For instance, if you earn more than I do, I can live with that... IF there is a "legitimate" reason. If you work harder or longer than I do, or have more education or experience than I have, I'm okay with you receiving more. If you have a better batting average than I do, or run faster than I do, it makes sense that you should receive more compensation. I may even understand it if you are the boss' son or daughter... BUT if you are receiving more than me, or even less, for reasons that are illegitimate to me, I will be unsettled. It isn't fair. The input-outcome ratios are out of whack, and I am likely to feel guilty if they are out-of-whack in my favor... and downright angry if they are unfair in your favor!
It's not fair if you do less than me and receive more. Everyone knows this... except Jesus of Nazareth, who told this story for the entire world to hear. It was harvest time, and a landowner needed additional help to bring in the crop. So he went to the village... and hired a number of eager men at 6 in the morning. They were dedicated workers, the "early birds," but by mid-morning, he could see that he needed more help, and he hired more men at 9:00. This went on through the day, and he hired more men at noon, more again at 3:00, and finally, a few more at 5:00 pm (the 11th hour), even though he wondered why they had been idle all day. It was a good day for all, and at the owner's request, the men gathered to be paid. Well, for reasons of his own, the paymaster started with the last hired first. He approached the men who had been hired at the 11th hour... and (to everyone's delight) he paid them a full day's wage! It was very generous, and it bode well for everyone left. Surely, they thought, we will receive more because we worked longer... but the owner gave the same pay to those who had started work at 3 pm, at noon, at 9 am, and yes, to the men who had started working at 6 am.
Even the "Johnny-come-lately's" received the same pay that they received... and as every student of "Equity theory" would know, this made the workers in all the other groups angry. It especially outraged those who started at 6 am, and they cried "UNFAIR."THIS IS OUTRAGEOUSLY UNFAIR. The owner noted that he had paid them exactly what they had agreed to, but they were more concerned with what the others had received, and they complained bitterly. We've worked harder and longer...and we deserve more! Right? Right? Doesn't everyone know that they deserved more? Don't we all agree that those who have run longer and harder should receive more? Of course, we do! Everyone knows that! According to Equity Theory and all that is holy, the men who started at 6 am were right! But... the owner was perplexed and he said, "Do you begrudge my generosity?" Do you resent my grace? Do you talk about grace in church... and secretly pray that God has a scorecard so that you will receive what you have coming? Do you really believe you ought to be compensated for the good person you are and the great person you intended to be? Would you do whatever you had to do to make sure you get the rewards you deserve? Yes, yes, yes. It's been my experience that people will throw their best friend "under the bus" to get the rewards that they think they deserve.
They do this under the guise of being fair... but fairness is NOT a Biblical concept, and since we're all sinners, FAIRNESS is the last thing we need. Jesus' story must have upset his hearers, even as it upsets us, because it's about love, not equity. We live in a grace-less world, where there's no free lunch, and we know that nothing- not the game nor life itself- is worth doing without a score. 1) Effort and consequence- tit for tat- is all we know. This is one of the reasons that stories about grace confound us, but there's another. 2) We also have a perception problem! We have a tendency to place ourselves in the best and most faithful roles in every situation. We make ourselves the stars of every Biblical story, which we read as if it's written to someone else... when, in fact, the story is actually speaking TO US. When I hear the story of the Good Samaritan, for instance, I shake my head when the religious leaders walk by the man in need... but I have walked by more people in need that I can even count, and I have also walked to the other side of the street on many occasions. Likewise, when I read about the widow giving all that she has in faith, I shake my head at the religious types who are pretending to be generous by flashing twenty dollar bills. I roll my eyes... but in truth, I would rather flash a twenty dollar bill now and then... than give sacrificially... in faith.
And when I hear Jesus' story about the pay system in heaven, it makes me more angry than grateful... because I see myself as being part of the 6 am crowd! But who am I kidding? I'm not a good Samaritan. I'm not the widow with her mite. And most assuredly, I'm not part of the 6:00 o'clock crowd. Not even close! The 6 o'clock crowd died in faith centuries ago. They met in caves and they were martyred in arenas. The 9 o'clock crowd died... to give us Bibles in our own tongues and to reform our church. The noontime crowd left their homes and endured great hardships to found this land and to build it... on faith in God... and the 3 o'clock crowd held Bible studies in Nazi concentration camps because they knew that Jesus Christ and not Adolf Hitler... is Lord! No, I'm not one of these, not even close, and I haven't earned anything at all. On the contrary, I'm one of those who stumbled in at the last minute, and I need grace more than anything else in the world! YOU do to! Not sort of, not kind of, but really... and deep down! I need grace more than anything else. Me. A sinner who was blessed... to be called at all... has no business shedding a single tear about unfairness. I have no business worrying about what anyone else deserves or doesn't deserve. None at all. I must keep my eyes on my Lord, and utter words like this: Thank you, Lord, for having mercy on me. I know that I didn't deserve to be called at all, but now I ask simply this: that you show me my neighbor and mold me into the servant you want me to be. Amen.
It's not fair if you do less than me and receive more. Everyone knows this... except Jesus of Nazareth, who told this story for the entire world to hear. It was harvest time, and a landowner needed additional help to bring in the crop. So he went to the village... and hired a number of eager men at 6 in the morning. They were dedicated workers, the "early birds," but by mid-morning, he could see that he needed more help, and he hired more men at 9:00. This went on through the day, and he hired more men at noon, more again at 3:00, and finally, a few more at 5:00 pm (the 11th hour), even though he wondered why they had been idle all day. It was a good day for all, and at the owner's request, the men gathered to be paid. Well, for reasons of his own, the paymaster started with the last hired first. He approached the men who had been hired at the 11th hour... and (to everyone's delight) he paid them a full day's wage! It was very generous, and it bode well for everyone left. Surely, they thought, we will receive more because we worked longer... but the owner gave the same pay to those who had started work at 3 pm, at noon, at 9 am, and yes, to the men who had started working at 6 am.
Even the "Johnny-come-lately's" received the same pay that they received... and as every student of "Equity theory" would know, this made the workers in all the other groups angry. It especially outraged those who started at 6 am, and they cried "UNFAIR."THIS IS OUTRAGEOUSLY UNFAIR. The owner noted that he had paid them exactly what they had agreed to, but they were more concerned with what the others had received, and they complained bitterly. We've worked harder and longer...and we deserve more! Right? Right? Doesn't everyone know that they deserved more? Don't we all agree that those who have run longer and harder should receive more? Of course, we do! Everyone knows that! According to Equity Theory and all that is holy, the men who started at 6 am were right! But... the owner was perplexed and he said, "Do you begrudge my generosity?" Do you resent my grace? Do you talk about grace in church... and secretly pray that God has a scorecard so that you will receive what you have coming? Do you really believe you ought to be compensated for the good person you are and the great person you intended to be? Would you do whatever you had to do to make sure you get the rewards you deserve? Yes, yes, yes. It's been my experience that people will throw their best friend "under the bus" to get the rewards that they think they deserve.
They do this under the guise of being fair... but fairness is NOT a Biblical concept, and since we're all sinners, FAIRNESS is the last thing we need. Jesus' story must have upset his hearers, even as it upsets us, because it's about love, not equity. We live in a grace-less world, where there's no free lunch, and we know that nothing- not the game nor life itself- is worth doing without a score. 1) Effort and consequence- tit for tat- is all we know. This is one of the reasons that stories about grace confound us, but there's another. 2) We also have a perception problem! We have a tendency to place ourselves in the best and most faithful roles in every situation. We make ourselves the stars of every Biblical story, which we read as if it's written to someone else... when, in fact, the story is actually speaking TO US. When I hear the story of the Good Samaritan, for instance, I shake my head when the religious leaders walk by the man in need... but I have walked by more people in need that I can even count, and I have also walked to the other side of the street on many occasions. Likewise, when I read about the widow giving all that she has in faith, I shake my head at the religious types who are pretending to be generous by flashing twenty dollar bills. I roll my eyes... but in truth, I would rather flash a twenty dollar bill now and then... than give sacrificially... in faith.
And when I hear Jesus' story about the pay system in heaven, it makes me more angry than grateful... because I see myself as being part of the 6 am crowd! But who am I kidding? I'm not a good Samaritan. I'm not the widow with her mite. And most assuredly, I'm not part of the 6:00 o'clock crowd. Not even close! The 6 o'clock crowd died in faith centuries ago. They met in caves and they were martyred in arenas. The 9 o'clock crowd died... to give us Bibles in our own tongues and to reform our church. The noontime crowd left their homes and endured great hardships to found this land and to build it... on faith in God... and the 3 o'clock crowd held Bible studies in Nazi concentration camps because they knew that Jesus Christ and not Adolf Hitler... is Lord! No, I'm not one of these, not even close, and I haven't earned anything at all. On the contrary, I'm one of those who stumbled in at the last minute, and I need grace more than anything else in the world! YOU do to! Not sort of, not kind of, but really... and deep down! I need grace more than anything else. Me. A sinner who was blessed... to be called at all... has no business shedding a single tear about unfairness. I have no business worrying about what anyone else deserves or doesn't deserve. None at all. I must keep my eyes on my Lord, and utter words like this: Thank you, Lord, for having mercy on me. I know that I didn't deserve to be called at all, but now I ask simply this: that you show me my neighbor and mold me into the servant you want me to be. Amen.
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