Last night I had a dream, and I don't know what it means. It's unusual for me to dream at all, and even more unusual for me to remember what it was. But, even though some of the details have slipped away, this dream was very vivid.
I was out with my dog, Nikki- the one with whom I walked and ran, almost daily, when we lived in Kalamazoo- and something chaotic came about. It's not clear what it was, but it was disorienting, and somehow, Nikki got free from her leash during the confusion. I don't know whether her leash broke or simply became disconnected from her collar, but she ran off just as fast as she could go. I called her, but she soon disappeared into the distance, and I couldn't help but recall those times when she ran away from me in Michigan, especially in the first year. We would be walking or jogging in the woods, or in the open fields behind our home, and I would unleash her, in part to give her a little freedom and in part to develop a sense of trust. Usually, she would simply wander along beside me... but if she spotted a squirrel or a rabbit, she would take off at a thousand miles per hour. Even though she didn't know what she would do if she actually caught one of them, she would run great distances in pursuit, knowing that I was duty-bound to bring her home safely.
She was right, or course. I always found her and brought her home, but in the course of time, she would come home on her own. Nikki and I walked nearly every day and we shared a lot of moments. Sometimes we would come across deer; sometimes we would find ourselves literally running in the rain; sometimes we would see a breath-taking sunset; and sometimes we would tromp through snow knee-deep. Most of the time, our walks were quite ordinary, and even when she "got away," she would always come back. Thus, I wasn't all that worried when she broke loose in my dream... but she never came back. Days passed. Weeks went by, and there was no Nikki. Day after day I stood outside and called her name, but she never appeared, and finally, I recruited (maybe they just volunteered) three other dogs to help me. I didn't know them. I had never met them, but they were quite sincere about helping me find Nikki, and they even seemed to know a little English. They were diligent and thorough in their searching. They looked far and wide. They talked with other dogs, and they gave it all that they had... but in the end, there was no Nikki.
I've been hoping to see Nikki's face ever since I held her in my arms at the Vet's office, and it was sad to see that she may have run off forever. One night, the three little dogs and I were commiserating about Nikki's disappearance... when we heard a dog barking on the front porch. We all heard it, and I was sure it was Nikki. The bark was Nikki's bark. I would know it anywhere. So we hurried to the front door and looked out... and sure enough. there was a dog wrapped in a blanket on the porch. It was a big and strong dog, just like Nikki was, and I reached down to remove her cover... only to see an Australian shepherd! It was an Australian shepherd, and I cried out in anguish... because Nikki was NOT an Australian shepherd! When we found her, the vet told us that she was part lab and part collie. We always thought she was mostly Border collie, except for her black tongue, but when we purchased an official DNA report, we discovered that Nikki was a composite of at least six breeds, including Samoyed. She was many things, but the dog on my porch was not Nikki, and my spirit cried out! A few minutes later, I made my early morning trek to the restroom, and when I returned, my wife asked if I was alright. Sure, I noted, why do you ask? "Because," she answered, "You cried out loud about 10 minutes ago. I couldn't understand what you said, but it sounded distressful and rather mournful. Did you have a dream?"
Yes, my dear, I had a dream, but I don't know what it meant. Maybe it was simply a reflection of how much I loved Nikki; maybe it was a recognition that losing a pet is unbelievably painful; maybe it was a cry of lament because the cost of love is so high; maybe it was a cry of anguish because life itself is slipping away. I don't know, but I do know that three little talking dogs that did their best to make things right. Amen.
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