"My child arrived just the other day. He came to the world in the usual way. But there were planes to catch and bills to pay. He learned to walk while I was away. And he was talkin' fore I knew it, and as he grew, he'd say, 'I'm gonna be like you dad. I'm gonna be like you.' My son turned ten just the other day. He said, 'Thanks for the ball, dad, come on let's play. Can you teach me to throw?' I said, 'Not today, I got a lot to do.' He said, 'That's ok,' and he walked away, but his smile never dimmed and he said, 'I'm gonna be like him, yeah. I'm gonna be like him.' I've long since retired. My son's moved away. I called him up just the other day. I said, 'I'd like to see you if you don't mind.' He said, 'I'd love too, dad, if I can find the time. You see my new job's a hassle and kids have the flu. But it's sure nice talking to you, dad.' And as I hung up the phone it occurred to me- he'd grown up just like me. My boy was just like me. The song? "Cat's In the Cradle." The year? 1974. The message? Forever true... because
1. Good fathers must be good ROLE MODELS! I emphasize "good" because, whether we like it or not, we're all role models... because kids learn most of what they learn about values from what they see. So, if you miss one of their activities for work, the kids "see" that work is more important... if you dump the kids off a church while you stay home, the kids "see" that that church really isn't all that important... and if you don't treat their mother with respect, the kids "see" that she really isn't valued much. Someone wiser than me said, "What you are speaks so loudly that I cannot possibly hear what you're saying," and I've never forgotten it. In fact, I think it lies at the core of the gospel because Jesus practiced what he preached. As fathers, parents, friends, we reap what we sow... so... sow seeds of kindness, respect and love wherever you go;
2. Good fathers are PRESENT to their children because just being present... is much of what's required. Even as God was present to the saints throughout the ages, and was present to you in your moment of need, we can be present to our children when they wonder and wander, when their eyes are filled with joy... or tears. As fathers, we must be present... because nothing good can happen if we're not. In the fall of '58, my father and I played catch for the only time in my life. One time... and I still remember it. After he had dropped a ball or two, dad said, "I'm not very good at these sort of things," which was true (he wasn't)... but he was more than good enough for me;
3. Good fathers are STRONG ENOUGH TO BE GENTLE. This doesn't mean "weak" of course, and certainly not "wishy-washy," but it does mean that good fathers have enough maturity and depth to feel pain when their children are in pain, to listen when something important needs to be heard, and even to cry when tears are warranted, just as Jesus cried over Jerusalem . In Hosea's book, God reveals his heart... when he says, "It was I who taught Ephraim to walk. I took them up in my arms. I led them with bands of love; I bent down to feed them; I was to them like those who lift infants to their cheeks." Yes, our God is an awesome God and tenderness is part of his strength!
4. Good fathers are AFFIRMING! In a world filled with critics, they are their children's biggest fans. Kids need to know that, when everything else runs out, their parents are on their side. I'm reminded of the true story of an Olympian who fell in a heap during the biggest race of his life. He was lying on the track, writhing in pain, when his father began to make his way quickly down from the stands, past the guards, and on to the track, where he bent down and lifted his son up. Then the two of them, arm in arm, began to walk toward the finish line. The young man finished last that day, but he didn't finish alone... because his dad walked him.
5. Like the loving father in the story we know as the Prodigal Son, good fathers are PATIENTLY FORGIVING- YES EVEN FOREVER FORGIVING. You know the story of the Prodigal Son, so I will tell you a story of an old man and a dutiful daughter who had taken care of him for years. He told her what he wanted for his funeral, and she knew that he had told her... because she could handle it. She could handle anything, and besides, she had a gorgeous voice ... so she could sing the song that he had especially requested. Well, the day arrived, and while she was arranging things up front, her neer-do-well brother walked into the funeral home- with long disheveled hair, and his most recent girlfriend. She hadn't seen him for years and now she was incensed because everyone in the room was making a fuss over him. Then... it struck her. The special song that her father had requested was for her him! It was a love song to her brother. He had never given up on the boy. He was a good father, and she vowed that she would NOT sing the song.
6. Good fathers are INTENTIONAL ABOUT BEING GOOD FATHERS, even as they are about anything else they really believe in. In his book, Good Call, Jase Robertson talks about being an intentional and loud Christian- deliberate and bold- and the same thing can be said about being a father. Let me close with an anonymous poem, "Walk a little plainer, daddy, said a little boy so frail. I'm following in your footsteps, and I don't want to fail. Sometimes your steps are very plain. Sometimes they are hard to see. So walk a little plainer, for you are leading me. I know that once you walked this way many years ago, and what you did along the way, I'd really like to know. For sometimes when I am tempted, I don't know what to do. So, walk a little plainer, daddy, for I must follow you. Finally...
7. Good fathers LEAD THEIR FAMILIES in a faith journey... because matters of faith are real and powerful, and because the grace and strength to be a good father... comes from their relationship with God the Father in the first place! If we invest in matters of faith, we will have a broader and deeper truth to offer our children, and we will know what it means to be fully human. Fathers, if we put matters of faith first, we will give our kids a wonderful gift and they will see life in ways that are truly transforming. The world will always tempt them and beat up on them, but without faith, it may well have its way with them. So... let your children see that you put your trust in God and build your life around his word. If you don't, they won't... but if you do, they will... and our Father in heaven will be pleased.
I've learned to accept that, through the years I played my cards as well as I could. I gave what I was able to give and I know that no one can ever do more than that. So, I am not drowning is a sea of guilt. However, if I could go back in time some how, I would surely be a better father than I was. I wouldn't travel like I did. I wouldn't try so hard to be a "big shot." I would be far more present to my kids, far more involved, and much more intentional about being a dad. I never had much trouble being gentle, loving, and forgiving, but I wish I had stayed at home. Amen.
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