As we go through life we experience
thousands of “little deaths.” They come to us in ways we can’t control- someone
we love dies, someone lies, someone we trusted betrays us, someone becomes
something that we didn’t see coming, someone gossips about us and assassinates
our character… and the pain lingers on, sometimes
flaring up when a certain thought crosses our mind. There are also
self-inflicted wounds that come from things we’ve done and said. There is pain
in just knowing that the “little deaths” we’ve inflicted on others cannot be
erased or taken back. The record shows that my journey has been cluttered with
words that I shouldn’t have said and things I should not have done. I would
take them back if I could… because they hurt others.
Oh, the tongue and the trouble that it
causes. It is the mightiest small thing in the world. With it, we can praise
God or curse God; with it, we can inspire others or deflate them; with it we
can affirm others for what they do well or we can criticize them for the ways
in which they come up short. The tongue has the potential to inspire others …
and it has the power to break a heart, crush a soul, or divide a family. Careless,
thoughtless, divisive, and mean-spirited words do lasting damage. I knew a man
who didn’t talk to his own son for 27 years because of something one of them
said to the other; I’ve seen church meetings deteriorate into name-calling and even
profanity; and I’ve seen tongues destroy relationships that took generations to
form. Our spiritual journeys begin when we do business with “the Cross,” but
living as a Christian includes many other behaviors, such as forgiving seventy
time seven; mourning for a broken world; giving to those who ask; prayer and
study; and “taming our tongues” so that God will be glorified.
The
signs of a tongue gone wild include 1) swearing, 2) gossiping, 3) lying, and 4)
using insensitive words (eg. telling someone who has confided in you about
their cancer… that your dog had cancer too). Swearing, gossiping, murmuring,
lying, or simply being insensitive- all of these threaten our own spiritual
growth and undermine our witness to Christ. So, as Christians, we have to tame
our tongues. I came across a list of tongue twisters about taming the tongue. (used
by Rev. Magrey deVega) Let’s see how many of us can say the tongue twister, as
we remind ourselves of the ways in which we need to tame our tongues:
1. If liars lie in lairs of lies,
in their lairs lie lots of liars.
Speak the truth. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t tell tales
or bear false witness;
2. If you attack behind their back,
they’ll be back to bite you back.
Don’t gossip. It’s insidious. It destroys people and relationships. We
shouldn’t gossip under any pretense and certainly not when we pray . Don’t say
something like, “Lord, I pray that you will help Ken with his drinking problem.”
Or “Lord, we pray that Mary will go straight home tonight;”
3. I don’t need
your needles; they’re needless to me. It need not be needed to be needling me. Everyone loves a good joke and most of us can stand
being the butt of the joke from time to time…but no one likes barbs that are personal,
painful and never-ending;
4. Ye have two ears to hear in here,
so hear ye with your ears, and don’t pak your yaks like a yakking yak packs
yaks. Be quick to listen-
really listen. Listen to hear and not just to wait your turn. Listen for the
other person’s pain, hopes, and stories and be slow to speak. May we consider
and weigh our words and not use them impulsively, like a yakking yak packs
yaks;
5. Love best builds and fills when
its built and fills your will (Lord). Build others up! Speak an encouraging
word, Never miss an opportunity to affirm someone else. It won’t “spoil” them,
trust me;
6. Would you bother to bother a
brother if you offer one offer but proffer another? If you pretend to be something you’re not, all that you say is
shallow and hollow. If we’re not real, we are of little help to anyone. Don’t
be a hypocrite;
7. Speak the truth in love. Don’t lie, don’t mislead, don’t
deceive or patronize. Speak the truth… but speak it in love because I don’t
want to hear that my suit no longer fits, or that I just hit a grounder off the
tee, or that someone somewhere doesn’t particularly like me. Consider these
questions: is it necessary, is it helpful, is it kind- and speak it in love.
Whoever said “words will never hurt me”
was either naive, kidding, or taken out of context… because words can create
debilitating and long-lasting pain, They reveal who we really are. They break
down or build up, they destroy or transform. They can even shape a life. Years
ago, when I taught Leadership classes in colleges around Omaha and Chicago, I
would ask students to identify those people who made the biggest difference in
their lives. I would ask them to list the people who shaped and guided them.
Then I wrote their answers on the board and tallied them. Mothers were always
#1, dads #2, spouses if the students were old enough, siblings and good friends,
grandparents, and then, those who worked in the helping professions- teacher,
doctors, counselors, a minister now and then. These were the people who had
shaped their lives and their common threads were these: they believed in them,
they cheered them on, they affirmed them, they stayed with them, and if asked,
they gave them words of wisdom. They were supportive and when they spoke the
truth, they spoke in the language of love!
Nearly every day we have the chance,
in Luther’s words, to be a “little Christ” to someone else by handing out
bread, clothing our neighbors, visiting people who don’t get many visits,
smiling and welcoming others as you meet them… and in the words we choose to
use! May we avoid lies, gossip and hypocrisy like the plague. May we guard
against careless words and may we always speak the truth in love! May it be so.
Amen!
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