CONFESSIONS OF A "MAN-SPREADER"

      "Man spreading" is illegal in New York. Not everywhere. I'm sure that a man is free to "man spread" at home, but it's not okay in public because it takes up space. The issue cropped up on the subway system when female riders noticed that men were "man spreading" while they themselves were standing... and hanging on for dear life.
      "Man spreading" occurs when men sit down and spread their legs wide, which means that their knees violate the space on either side- space that could be used as a seat by someone else. In a phrase, "man spreading" is self-indulgent and inconsiderate and it's been going on too long. A few days ago, my wife asked me why men did such a thing, suggested that it may be a power-play or some sort of sexual aggression. But I told her that "man spreading" is just what we do. It's what we've always done, and it doesn't have a dark, sinister motive. When we were boys, we spread our legs at school, at the game, at the supper table, and while we watched TV. "Man spreading" is just part of us. Men are certainly capable of power-plays and sexually aggressive gestures, but in my view, "man spreading" is nothing more than a habit... that became an addiction... and besides, it's the manly thing to do. In his TV series, Matt Dillon had a bold "man spread" as he prepared to draw his gun. Maybe you remember the opening to "Gunsmoke." From time to time, I've seen men who crossed their legs, or kept them close together, but while polite and space-efficient, it simply wasn't the manly thing to do.
      But I digress. I want to confess, rather than defend, "man spreading," and so I will. I am sorry- really sorry- for all of the times when I have engaged in "man spreading." I know that ignorance is no excuse, but I just didn't realize that I was depriving someone else of a seat. I didn't see that "man-spreading" violated another person's right to sit down, and now I feel like I've spent my whole life parking in a space reserved for "handicapped" people. Last night, as I was laying in bed, it struck me that my legs were spread too wide. So, hoping that my wife didn't notice, I brought my knees closer together... and I slept like a baby!