CHOOSE TO BELIEVE!

      Like many of you, I have a handful of favorite authors. Buechner, Wangerin, Yancey, Fulghum, and Henri Nouwen, who invites us to imagine...a scenario in which two unborn twins...are having a conversation that goes something like this: "I think that there's life after birth," one of them says "out of the blue." "Ridiculous," the other replies, "What's wrong with you? This is a wonderful place, and our every need is met." "No, I really believe that we're going to a place where there is light... and freedom to move. I'm sure of it." "What in the world is wrong with you? Why aren't you ever content?" "And there's another thing I believe." ""Really? I can't wait to hear this one." "Well, you're not going to like it... but I believe there is a mother." "A mother? Where did you get that idea? There's no such thing as a mother. I've never seen a mother, and neither have you." Silence... "Don't you feel the squeezes that happen every now and then? They're quite unpleasant and even painful." "So, what if I do?" "Well... I believe that these squeezes are preparing us for another place, much more beautiful than this place, and that we will see our mother face-to-face!" Then, there was only silence... because the doubting twin was quietly praying that his "crazy" sister would leave him alone.
      But it's my guess that she didn't leave him alone... because dreams and doubts, beliefs, hopes and fears- never leave us alone. They're part of our life. For reasons that probably stem from our need for control, doubt is something of a dirty word in church circles. No one ever teaches on Biblical stories that are hard to believe, or things about God that they don't understand, or on unanswered prayers that broke their hearts. We never mention these things... because we don't want to be labeled as a "doubter." There seems to be nothing much worse than being called "Doubting Ken," or "Doubting Ginny," but it's our questions, our struggles, and our doubts... that prompt us to seek deeper belief and it's often our disappointments that lead us to real faith... which brings me to the well-worn story of Doubting Thomas... and a few brief remarks on doubt.
      Didymus Judas Thomas was one of the 12, and while he wasn't in the inner circle, he wasn/t invisible either. He showed courage on several occasions, and he was martyred for his faith in 72AD... but believing didn't come easily for him. We know that he founded the church in India. We know that the first gospel ever written is entitled "The Gospel of Thomas," and that there is also a book called "The Acts of Thomas," but on Easter Sunday in the year 30AD, he was not with the other disciples... when the Risen Jesus showed up. He missed it, and when the others shared their excitement with him, he could not believe it... unless he personally touched the wound in his master's side and the nail marks in his hands. He needed to see for himself... so on the second Sunday of Easter, Jesus appeared to all of them, and he invited Thomas to put his hands into his wound and to touch the nail marks in his hands. He didn't mock Thomas for doubting. He didn't label him, but responded to his doubts in a personal and vulnerable way, and that's all that Thomas needed... because his doubts gave birth to one of the greatest statements of faith in the Bible. "My Lord and my God. My Lord and my God."
      It's a powerful story, but what does it have to do with us? And if it doesn't say that doubt is a dirty word, what does it say to us? Well, I would suggest this:
1)    It is a blessing to believe without seeing... because that's the stuff that vision and dreams and great discoveries are made of. If you believe easily, you will be blessed frequently and comforted in any time or circumstance, and if you can live AS IF what you believe is true, you will transform your life and the lives of others. Never apologize for believing...
2)    BUT doubt is NOT the opposite of belief- unbelief is- and doubt is not opposed to faith. Indeed, doubt is often part of our faith journey and can even lead to greater faith, as it did in Thomas' case. If our faith is just a way of getting our own way, it's not worth having, but if we struggle with our doubts, seek answers to our questions, confess our fears, and wrestle with God through our dark nights, we can claim a faith that cries out, "My God, My God," from a cross... or joins Job in exclaiming, "I know that my Redeemer lives," when we've lost everything dear to us. When we've done business with our living God... when we've come to realize that He gives and takes life, and when we're entirely okay with the fact that...we will have obtained a powerful and enduring faith! Don't run from your doubts. See them as opportunities for growth and deeper faith.
3)   However... don't become a doubting person. Don't let your doubts have their way with you. Don't let them define you. Everyone gets angry, but not everyone is an angry person. Everyone gets depressed, but not everyone IS DEPRESSED. We don't need to become what we experience... so instead of surrendering to your doubts, open your Bibles, ask questions, get into prayer, develop spiritual disciplines. Consider the possibility that you can believe in something without knowing all there is to know about it... and keep your feet moving! Faith didn't come easy to be me,,, but I kept my feet moving. I've always been suspicious of things that seemed to good to be true... but I never quit believing. Sometimes, when I began my faith journey, I felt like a phony because other people seemed so "together," but I never quit believing. Sometimes I felt unworthy because I wasn't making the progress I should have been making, but I never let my stumbling define me. Not my stumbling. Not my sins. Not my doubts... because I had decided to believe, and if anything was going to define me. it would be my believing.
4) Our passage is about faith, not doubt and it's starring character is Jesus, not Thomas. When the disciples were hiding in fear, Jesus came to them, and when Thomas needed to see for himself, Jesus came to him and gave himself to him without insult or judgement. Never come to think that you can be too far gone or gone too long for Jesus because nothing can keep Jesus away from you- not locked doors, not fears, nor your sins, not your doubts, not your addictions, not your secrets- nothing at all. Jesus will not let you go. Believe this,
5) Our passage is John's Pentecost! It is the moment when Jesus gave his disciples the Holy Spirit and the power to forgive others. It is the moment when Jesus' frightened followers received Holy Ghost power and an abiding courage that never left them. And this is not for them only- it is for us too. Jesus comes to us when we need him most and he empowers us to live for him. That's why we're encouraged to remember our baptisms and invite Jesus into the locked rooms in our lives.
      Some of you believe easily. You're waiting for something to believe in and you are blessed because you can trust in what you don't entirely understand or haven't seen. Some of you find it more difficult to embrace truths that you can't explain or accept claims that you haven't seen for yourself. It's just the way you are, and I would encourage you to keep your feet moving. Keep showing up, keep asking questions, keep praying, and keep inviting Jesus to show himself to you. He will you know. He will come to you through a person in your life, through a person you happen to meet, through a passage that speaks to you, through your dreams, or your tears, in the stillness of the night ... he will come to you and offer himself to you... in ways that cannot be denied... and you will find yourself crying out, "My Lord and my God!"